A Victory for Moms Everywhere

It started out like any other {not so} normal day, four of the six children were up and running through the house full speed the moment the door closed behind their father at 6:30 am. I groan, rolled over, and tried to pretend that I lived in a house where kids actually thought sleeping in meant SLEEPING PAST DAWN. 

As they, one by one, discovered that another adult still haunted the bedroom in clear violation of the parent/child agreement {which clearly states they will not randomly destroy the house as long as I drag my sleepy behind out of bed to feed them before they transform into ravenous wer-children}, they, one by one, launched an aerial assault that would make Iron Man proud, my little children with feet God designed to walk on the ground majestically shooting their chubby little bodies through the air to land mere inches from where I am attempting to borrow into my cozy foam mattress.

I plop out of bed, not caring that I’m still in my PJ’s, my bed is left unmade {the sheets and pillows having been offered up as sacrifice in order to hold onto the comforter a few extra minutes}, and continue on with my day.

We have light demands on our time today, the most serious & time consuming being that I have several articles that have to be written and sent in before this evening. When it comes time to work on my writing {because, for some odd reason, my kids think they actually need new shoes when their old ones wear out and six pairs of new shoes are expensive.  Sheesh! Just stick your toes through the end and pretend they’re sandals! It is summer, after all!} I, like the good attentive mother I am, bribe my children with a couple hours of video games if they solemnly swear to let me accomplish my writing, and I sweeten the deal with mango & strawberries smoothies for snack-time at 3pm, when hopefully, I’ll have my writing for the day completed.

{Don’t judge me because I’m honest enough to admit it: Lego Indian Jones for the xBox & Super Mario for the Wii are two of the best investments I’ve ever made in my life! Split the kids between the two systems and *bam!* I have an hour or two free to work!}

And work I do. I’m like Super-Writer-Mom-Woman. The words just flow from my fingertips, proofreading is  almost like slicing butter, and before I realize what has happened, my work queue is finished. done. As in “I have a moment that is not being taken up by something.” 

I was lost! What do I do?!? I check the time: 2:17… I still have another 40 minutes or so of hard ‘bought’ freedom with occupied children.

I check Facebook.

Twitter.

Sign up for Instagram {Here’s my account… if you’re interested!

Then I check the clock. 

2:29

huh.

So I pull up Fit2b.

Do the Chair Blend workout.

Check it off in Evernote.

Write a quick outline of a couple blog posts I want to do.

Check the clock.

2:49

I get up and mix the children’s smoothies. I mean, I did promise and they did occupy themselves.

Pour them into their special glasses.

Announce that the smoothies await.

And look around.

Hummm…  

The kids are all still occupied. Smoothies made and delivered as promised. Work completed….

I ease my way towards the bathroom.

___________________________________

I am the Ninja Mama… 

fully of stealth

with just one goal in mind… 

A shower.

_______________________________________

Now, now. I know what you are thinking.

“Desi,” you say with an empathetic nod to your head, “You’re kids are up. They don’t care that it’s been three days since you’ve stepped into the shower. They will think they’re going to die without you.”

“Yes! BUT!” I answer emphatically. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them! They still think I’m working!”

I ease through the bathroom door, flip on the fan, and click the lock closed as silently as I can. It seems incredibly loud in my abnormally quiet, and otherwise occupied house, but I hold out hope!

Hot water? Check.

Soap? Check.

Grape scented shampoo/condition/body wash {because I keep forgetting that grown-ups are typically entitled to their own shampoo and conditioner. In separate bottles. And not smelling like a grape Popsicle… At least my husband smells sweet after his showers!} 

Blessed clean-ness! 

A mom of six who took a shower. In the middle of the day. While her kids were awake and home.

I even shaved my legs! 

Victory!

{This post from here on out may be tmi… but as a mom of 4 boys, I felt compelled to include it…because it.is.my.life.} 

_______________________________________

Honesty compels me  to inform you that my wonderful, mid-day shower was not all {grape scented} roses. Once the door closes, I have a few minutes, precious few, in which the children have not registered that I am in the shower. I’m doing a little jig, let me tell you, being in the shower and undisturbed!

Then… surprisingly loudly over both the exhaust vent, the running water, the loop of today’s Seed’s Family Worship CD playing in my head {it just doesn’t leave!!}, and the blare of video games, I hear…

“Mom! I’ve gotta pee!”

I shake my head, rally my voice, and declare in my most take-me-seriously voice: “You can wait! You’re a big boy!” 

“So… I can go outside to pee?”

{smh- we live on a relatively busy-for-a-country-road where there is no privacy for a boy to …. ya know… outside.}

“No! You may not go outside to pee! You wait until I’m finished!” 

_______________________________________

And here’s the victory… that I claim for boy mama’s everywhere: 

I

made

him

wait!

{And yes! He even survived!}

_______________________________________

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I’ll be taking accolades all week.

If you can stand the smell of grape scented shampoo! 

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